10 easy ways to kill your blog

Are you sick of watching your blog gain traffic? Do you wish readers would stop sharing your posts? Here’s how to drive people away from your blog—permanently.

You’re bored with blogging. You have other things to do like eat, sleep, go out and work. You know, boring “real life” stuff. Besides, blogging is for computer nerds and failed writers.

Not to worry—help is at hand. Here are 10 ways to kill your blog:

1. Stop writing

What? That’s too simple. Of course your blog will die if you stop writing. Well yes, if you stop writing altogether. But be smart about it and change your writing habits. If you write daily, change to once a week and vice versa. If you want to lose your readers, confuse them.

2. Be obnoxious

People like to be respected, and your readers are no different. Being obnoxious can take many shapes: you can talk down to readers in comment replies (if you reply at all), use made-up words that make you sound funny, and make readers feel that you’re 100 times smarter than them. Be mean, and keep those pesky readers away.

3. Close your comments

People like to be heard, especially when they read something that either inspires or polarizes them. Take away the comment option from your blog and make your site a talking head. Unless you’re Seth Godin or Leo Babauta, you’ll soon see your blog’s popularity shrink, wither and probably die.

4. Use captchas

When I was younger, I used to love things like the Rubik’s Cube and 10,000-piece jigsaw puzzles. Now, time is a precious commodity and I like things to be simple and easy. Install a crazy captcha on your blog that no one can decipher and make people pull their hair out from frustration. It’s a great way to scare readers away!

5. Limit the options

When visitors to your blog read a great post, they often want to share it. Of course, if you’re trying to kill your blog then you don’t want them to share that sucker a lot. Limit the amount of sharing options so that instead of making it easy to share on whatever networks the reader wants, he can only share on Facebook and Twitter. After all, those are the only social networks that are important to bloggers, right?

6. Screw formatting

Because people can read blogs on different browsers and computer screen resolutions/displays, there’s no point in formatting your post—it will never look good on every reading option. Instead, bunch all your words into one long paragraph, don’t use images, and make your font size nine and Copperplate. Job done.

7. Die, navigation, die

Think of the world’s biggest maze. Then think of the world’s biggest maze at night. Then think of trying to navigate the world’s biggest maze at night in a blindfold. Make your blog’s navigation that much fun, and make it easy for your readers to get lost and not know how to get back home. Lost readers = frustration = see ya!

8. Search what?

If you really want to kill your blog quickly, you could combine a couple of the ways listed here. For example, if you have poor navigation, make sure you don’t have a search box to let your readers find what they’re after. Delete the archive section and boom! You have one heck of a lost blog.

9. Subscribing is for wimps

When you set up a blog, it will generally come with a standard RSS feed. The thing is, the standard RSS feed doesn’t always work on certain browsers. It’s better to use something like Feedburner or Feedblitz. But you don’t want better. Leave the standard feed and make sure you don’t have any subscribe options in your sidebar. If your readers can’t subscribe, they won’t know when you have a new post. Blog death is on the horizon.

10. Repeat yourself

We all run out of ideas, but you can often find things to blog about to share with your readers. If you’re trying to lose readers and kill your blog though, you don’t want fresh ideas. Instead, copy a post from your archives and barely change any words. You now have a new-but-not post to pan off on your readers. Tip: Don’t use a “related posts” option here, as your readers might find you out and you will look stupid.

As you can see, there are many ways to kill your blog. You don’t need to worry about pleasing your readers anymore.

Of course if you actually want to have a blog worth visiting, one that shows that people respect, visit and recommend you, ignore all of the above and do the exact opposite.

It’s your choice.

Danny Brown is co-founder and partner at Bonsai Interactive Marketing. He blogs at DannyBrown.me, where a version of this article originally ran.

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