Dumping C.R.A.P. on reporters

In this installment, we turn to a big source of corporate C.R.A.P.: The press release.

Here at C.R.A.P. (Corporate Rhetoric Awards Program) Central, we get a lot of press releases. Stacks and stacks of them. We get them in print, and we get them via e-mail.

Name of company + everything great about this company that nobody really cares about + bad verb + bad quote by a guy with too many titles.

So it might look like this:

“XYZ Corp., the leading provider of pornography software and other interactive solutions, is implementing a groundbreaking, best-in-class, global solutions pornography package that will revolutionize the online smut industry. ‘We’re pleased to announce the implementation of this multifaceted software solutions package,’ said Richard Small, XYZ Corp. vice president of sales, marketing, global solutions and new-product development. ‘This world-class interactive system will help facilitate the implementation of global pornography solutions.’”

You think I’m kidding? You think this formula doesn’t exist in the real world? Well, this month’s C.R.A.P. Award goes to a press release writer who follows this formula almost to a T.

The lead for this press release is so bad, I was worried you might think I made it up. So for that reason, I am including an actual picture of the release.

Here’s the lead:

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