The elevator speech is utter nonsense—stop using it

No one wants to hear you explain your brand during an elevator ride, nor do they want a jargon-packed statement. So please, just stop it already.

No entrepreneur can get through a day without someone asking, “Do you have an elevator pitch?” For the unenlightened, an elevator pitch is a company description so concise that one can deliver it effectively and persuasively to a fellow elevator passenger before he exits to his floor. Seriously? A few questions to ask yourself: Is the journey one floor or 100? Can your ad-hoc prospect focus in an elevator? Do the other riders want to hear you talk? Are unknown competitors or journalists present to take advantage of your comments or the way you deliver them? The elevator pitch is a total farce—stop trying to create and perfect it Articles abound on elevator etiquette. Why? Because riding in an enclosed box with strangers makes people feel awkward and unsure how to act. Some are claustrophobic and fear a service breakdown. They want space, silence, anonymity. They stare at their shoes, at the ceiling, at the floor indicators. Mostly, they want to get the hell out of there, as soon as possible. Simply, nothing about an elevator is conducive to persuasion—ironically, the point of the elevator pitch. The very word elevator causes discomfort. Why would one use it, then? Words matter. To visualize yourself describing your company in an awkward, success-limiting situation is to defeat your confidence and creativity. Why is visualization relevant here? It’s the key to success. In a recent article, author and businessman Harvey Mackay wrote that high achievers—including himself, Jim Carrey, Oprah Winfrey, Jonas Salk, and top Olympic athletes—always visualized success before realizing it. To visualize a dysfunctional scenario—pitching your company in an elevator—is a losing concept. Failing in your imagination is a bad start. I don’t know the origin of this flawed metaphor, the elevator pitch. Although its objective, speedy persuasion, is well intentioned, it fails miserably: Most homepages, where company descriptions—in other words, the brand—are supposed to shine, are totally unfathomable. Yet, unwitting people enroll every day in elevator-pitch seminars. Waste of time and money. Seriously. Elevator + pitch is a bad combination. Ditch it Instead, what you should be creating/perfecting is your brand—the unique, concise, pithy, jargon-free, memorable, repeatable articulation of what your company offers to consumers. You’ll know you’ve created a strong brand when people “get it” in 15 seconds, without videos or white papers. Your brand must succeed where you need it most: on your homepage. If it fails there, it fails everywhere. Who, if not you? The question is, Who should create/perfect your brand? If you are not a proven wordsmith, whose words are memorable, repeatable, and evocative, you’re not the right person. Don’t wing it. Hire a qualified professional. Mediocrity is expensive. As Dirty Harry Callahan, as played by Clint Eastwood, said in “Magnum Force”: “A man’s got to know his limitations.” In an episode of “Seinfeld” (“The Beard”), Jerry meets a pretty lady cop, who asks whether he ever watches the television show “Melrose Place.” Jerry denies it. She knows he is lying and challenges him to a polygraph test. Jerry accepts, knowing he will fail, and becomes increasingly nervous as the hour of judgment draws near. He asks his friend George Costanza (Jason Alexander), an expert liar, for advice:

JERRY: So, George, how do I beat this lie detector? GEORGE: I’m sorry, Jerry, I can’t help you. JERRY: Come on; you’ve got the gift. You’re the only one that can help me. GEORGE: Jerry, I can’t. It’s like saying to Pavarotti, “Teach me to sing like you.” JERRY: All right, well I’ve got to go take this test. I can’t believe I’m doing this. GEORGE: Jerry, just remember: It’s not a lie if you believe it.

By the way, Jerry does take the polygraph test. He fails it. Rx from the WhiteNoise Doctor™ 1. Eliminate “elevator pitch” from your vernacular. It’s worthless junk, a farce. Your goal is to create and perfect a strong, jargon-free brand—and make that your No. 1 priority. 2. Know your limitations. If you’re not a proven wordsmith, hire one. Social media won’t help. Search-engine marketing won’t help. Vacuous news releases won’t help. Even if he were alive today, Pavarotti could not teach you to sing. 3. Remember: It’s not a brand, just because you believe it is. Marc Rudov, The WhiteNoise Doctor™, is a branding-strategy advisor, creator of GutShare™, and internationally known media personality. This story first appeared on MarcRudov.com. Copyright © 2011 by Marc H. Rudov. All Rights Reserved. (Image via & via)

Topics: PR

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