Talking numbers? Just get to the point
Your humble narrator visited his alma mater’s Web site, University of Michigan, and discovered that his long-since retired mentors did their work well, as evidenced by the following commentary and rewrite.
Budget includes moderate tuition increase and major investment in financial aid
Adjectives tell; nouns and verbs show. Get the adjectives out of the headline and put numbers in.
The Board of Regents unanimously has approved a $1.35 billion 2007-2008 General Fund budget for the Ann Arbor campus that includes a moderate tuition increase and invests significantly in financial aid.
Again, the adjectives and adverbs: “moderate” and “significantly.” Why repeat the headline in the lead?