16 really stupid moves that will get you fired

The author offers a few peeves he says should result in dismissal—or hanging. There’s an option B, apparently.

TheLaw.TV had an article recently about the “8 Stupid Moves That Get You Fired.”

Two things about this came to mind:

1. What the hell is TheLaw.TV? Is it a TV show on the Internet? If so, why the article? Why TV? The websites for NBS, ABC, CBS, FOX, etc. don’t end in .TV.

2. I’m pretty sure there are more than “8 Stupid Moves” that will get you fired.

Here are the eight stupid moves from TheLaw.TV post:

1. Being late too often.

2. Stealing from the company. (I’m sure they don’t mean swiping things like office supplies; they mean stealing stealing.)

3. Too many sick days. (Yep, you get sick days, but companies don’t like it when you use them, so we just tell you when you should use them. It’s Jedi mind tricks, but HR-ish.)

4. Falsifying time card. (My favorite is having a “friend” clock out for you later in the day, when you left early. When that happens, I get to fire both of you.)

5. That’s not part of my job description. (I don’t think this one was real, but someone at TheLaw.TV needed some more. I know this is fake, because the only thing SHRM has truly taught HR Pros in the last 50 years is that one line on the bottom of every job description—and I don’t even need to write it, because you know it—is “Other duties…”

6. Drinking on the job. (Before noon.)

7. Sexual misconduct. Approximately 38 percent of people met their spouse at work, according to an eHarmony totally legit survey. In that same survey, but unpublished, were how many people found their “next” spouse at work-at a slightly higher rate of 93 percent.)

8. Surfing porn. (Nothing says “fire me” like on-screen boobs at work. On a totally different but similar note, I’ve never had to fire a woman for surfing porn at work. That might be a separate post if I could find an HR pro willing to share a female porn firing story.)

Good list, but here are 8 more

This is a solid list, but remember, the title was “Stupid Moves That Get You Fired. I think they missed a few:

9. Cooking fish in the break room microwave. (That’s like terrorist bad. You know who you are.)

10. Smoking pot in your car at lunch when I can see you from my office window. (“Hi—I can see you. Yes, that’s me waving.”)

11. Wearing white socks with black or brown dress shoes. (I haven’t fired anyone for this, but I’ve come close.)

12. Fighting with the boss over some stupid idea you won’t let go of. (Really, we should change everything we do and become a charity, because 50 years of running a profitable company is enough.)

13. Taking credit for crap you didn’t do, but that people who report to you did. (I would actually go with hanging over firing on this one.)

14. Asking for a salary increase after you just got your butt handed to you in your performance review. (Gutsy, but stupid.)

15. Listening to really weird Pandora mixes at the office in attempt to look cool. (I have to admit I did this back in the day—last year.)

16. Being into anything in an over-the-top way. (Think: I’m a transmeta-physical yoga-ultra-marathoner, I only eat dirt, and I’m obsessed with Pokemon. Come on; you’re fired.)

OK, give me your stupid moves that will definitely get someone fired.

Tim Sackett is executive vice president of HRU Technical Resources, a contingent staffing firm in Lansing, Mich. A version of this article first appeared on The Tim Sackett Project.

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