Corporate HallucinationsWe’ve got your concerns right here

Steve Crescenzo comes upon one of the most unusual job titles and descriptions he’s ever read.

Over the years, I’ve probably read close to 100,000 employee publications. And I’ve seen a lot of unusual corporate titles and weird job descriptions.

But the one I found a minute ago might take the cake. I found it in a research laboratory’s employee newsletter. Here is the headline:

Concerns Coordinator welcomes employee suggestions

Here’s the lead:

‘Parking. Overhead costs. Benefits changes. Although she says she’s ‘really just getting started’ with the assignment, ORNL Concerns Programs Coordinator Cindy Kasak can readily recite a litany of issues raised by lab staff members so far in 2004.’

I bet she can! I’ve heard of corporate ombudsmen … but this is a step beyond that. Concerns Coordinator? Ha! This woman is a professional crap catcher! She catches do-do for a living! Her actual job is to listen to thousands of petty complaints day in and day out.

A picture of the woman comes with the article, and you can tell just from her photo that this is a woman on the edge. She’s gamely trying to smile, but she looks like she’s passing a kidney stone.

You can see she’s about to snap. You can almost hear what is going on in her mind:

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