We here at C.R.A.P. (Corporate Rhetoric Awards Program) Central love to debate different topics over cocktails at Happy Hour. Our most recent argument? What is the most boring recurring story in the corporate press?
I know, I know. That’s like trying to figure out who the biggest hillbilly is on the Jerry Springer show … too many candidates! But questions with tough answers are what alcohol-fueled debates are all about, right?
Some people made an argument for any kind of United Way story; others voted for the annual “We took our kids to work day” articles; a big contingent voted for any story with the word “Synergy” in it.
But in the end, the winner was the “Somebody Won an Award” story. You know how these work, because you’ve done hundreds of them. And all of them have the same three elements:
#1: A headline that says, basically: “We handed out some awards … again.”
#2: And a lead that says, basically: “This list of people won these awards. Read on only if you are one of the people who won an award, because if you’re not, you can’t possibly care about this story, so please move on to the piece about the United Way, and then skip that, too.”