Rewriter’s ForumDon’t waste readers’ time by burying the lead

This story, published in an energy company’s employee magazine, takes too long to get to the point

BEFORE

There’s an old adage people love to quote: “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” It’s meant to calm fears that the destination is out of reach or too ambitious. It’s what people say when they mean, “Stop thinking about it and get started.”

The statement quoted isn’t an old adage; it’s varyingly attributed to Confucius or Lao-tzu. The tone here is pseudo-inspirational.

But the truth is that if you expect to succeed on that hypothetical thousand mile journey, you need to plan for it. If you just start walking without preparation, plans or provisions, you’re as likely to fail as to succeed.

What about the medieval pilgrims who just picked up and took off? No plans, provision or preparation. Get to the point!