The most meaningless job titles on LinkedIn

Gurus, ninjas, magicians, overlords, demi-gods, and the occasional sensei. We can only hope their work is as creative as their job titles—and far less ridiculous.


When I started in this business, I looked up with envy at the various VPs and C-level executives with their big fancy titles. In my naiveté, I figured success was heavily tied to going from a coordinator, to a manager, to a supervisor, to a director, and so on all the way up to CEO.

Almost 20 years later, I realize how little those titles mean when I now judge a person’s level of success. After meeting plenty of 24-year-old vice presidents of tiny companies—or even more to the point, very experienced and respected directors—titles mean much less to me now than they did when I entered the business world.

Now I judge personal success on the excellence of the organization I’m working for, how engaged I am with my day-to-day tasks, and whether I’m satisfied at the end of the week with the work I’m doing.

The digital industry has thrived by being the new kid on the block and shedding legacy ways of doing business. In the early days of digital, the traditional teams joked that you could tell who the digital guy was by who was wearing jeans and had facial jewelry. This trailblazer attitude has certainly extended to the job title forum—would “guru” be acceptable in any other industry?

To demonstrate this point, the following are 17 real titles and phrases pulled from the profiles of marketing industry professionals found on LinkedIn. Enjoy!

Abracadabra

Digital Marketing Magician
There’s nothing up his sleeve—especially not positive ROI.

Wizard of Light Bulb Moments
How many HR directors does it take to fire a “Wizard of Light Bulb Moments”?

Ass-kicking analogies

Marketing Ninja
Don’t laugh. He’s standing behind you right now ready to pounce with his nunchakus.

Brand Warrior
OK, I admit I’d be a little intimidated knowing that I was going to have to interview with that lady about a job.

Senior Road Warrior Marketing Intern
I guess it sounds a lot better than “unpaid intern.”

The Social Media Badass
These social folks can slap on anything to “social media” and make it a title. (Other titles I came across were Social Media Genie, Social Media Rockstar, Social Media DJ-even Social Media Vixen! Ooh la la!)

The master mentality

Digital Overlord
This has got to be a creative guy, right? My gut tells me this is definitely a creative guy.

Direct Mail Demi-God
I would think an omnipotent, all-knowing being would have had the sense to get out of traditional media by now.

Mobile Sensei (and Planner)
I like that he added “and planner” to the title. He must have realized the sensei part was confusing.

Enlightened leadership

Chief Visionary Officer
This “vision” is 20/20 when the campaign starts and blind as a bat when it tanks.

Chief Marketing Guru
Personally, I think the “guru” card has been played out. It’s just not creative enough for someone who has reached spiritual enlightenment.

Deep thoughts

Chief Thought Provoker
Honestly, this sounds like that smelly guy in the office who doesn’t understand why people laugh at the “Battlestar Gallactica” toy set on his desk.

Chief Thinker
Not a lot of thought put into that one. Maybe they’re trying to demonstrate that they spend more time thinking about their client’s business and less about their title?

Founder, Chief Creative, Inspiration, and Elation Officer
OK, we get it—you’re important. But honestly, it sounds like someone needs a hug.

Chief Instigation Officer
You looking at me? Grrrr…

Random and hilarious

Chief People Herder
Sounds like he could be replaced by a border collie.

Director of Fundom
My personal favorite! I’d love to party with that dude but not really sure if I want him to steward my multimillion-dollar marketing budget.

(Disclaimer: No offense to the folks behind these titles, just having some fun.)

What are your thoughts on funky titles? Are there any that I missed?

Follow Josh Dreller at @mediatechguy. A version of this article first appeared on iMediaConnection.

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