Writers, please ditch ‘There is no doubt …’

I doubt there is ‘no doubt’

Be warned, I’m going to sound like a curmudgeon, but I am sick and tired of blog posts that begin with, “There is no doubt…” or some variation thereof.

You probably know the ones I’m talking about. They’ll start off with, “There is no doubt…” and go on to make a statement so banal, so puerile in its obviousness, that you have no choice but to shake your head, roll your eyes, and yell, “No duh, Sherlock,” while doing the hokey pokey.

(By the way, have you ever tried doing all that? At the same time? It’s impossible.)

If this type of post doesn’t start with the author’s declamation of absolute certainty, it’ll start with an equally vapid phrase, the accuracy of which could be picked apart quicker than a squirrel can bury an acorn, if we so chose:

“It’s a well-known fact that…” (Oh really? It’s a fact, eh? Based on what research?)

“It’s no surprise that…” (Why not?)

“It’s no secret that…” (Then why are you wasting my time telling me what I already know?)