1. We can now only communicate face-to-face with people in 140 character blasts.
2. It’s only a matter of time before those drunken office holiday photos surface online.
3. Keeping up with the Joneses is harder now because we have to keep up with the Joneses’ blogs.
4. Too many passwords to remember for each account.
5. We’ve got only six people following us on Twitter. Our self-esteem is at an all-time low.
6. Everybody seems to be talking about how great LinkedIn is for networking. The only people we know on LinkedIn are our co-workers.
7. When we go to a networking event with human beings, we wear our nametag on our left-hand side and give a limp fish handshake. We’ve forgotten how to interact with real people.
8. We can’t remember the last time we wrote a letter. It’s hard to remember how to hold a pen correctly.
9. Our grammatical muscles spasm when we use the words “Tweeted” and “Facebooked” in casual conversation.
10. Even though our co-worker is less than three feet away, we haven’t spoken to each other in seven months. Thanks, G-chat.
11. Since we’ve been doing so much typing, our fingers have mutated to the size of a Kielbasa.
12. We can’t tell north from south after we downloaded the Google Maps application on our iPhone.
13. We have nightmares about losing our BlackBerry.
14. People always want to know where we are, but last week we Tweeted during a colonoscopy.
15. We invited 651 people to a party. We got 21 replies. Only four showed up.
16. We call all the time we spend on social media sites “networking” or “business.” Well, at least that’s how we justify it when we check and see who our high school sweetheart is dating.
17. We change our profile pictures, interests, and activities on Facebook at least twice per week. Perhaps we should change our religion status to solipsism.
18. We need to be instantly validated—we ate a tuna salad sandwich for lunch! Now, it’s time to blog about it.
19. We don’t bother asking our co-workers what they did this weekend. There’s no point—we read about it on Twitter.
20. Our social workload is rapidly becoming another 40-hour-per-week occupation. But this one isn’t paid.
21. Forget sipping coffee and reading the newspaper. Now it’s all about Twittering like crazy, downing nine Red Bulls and stuffing our face with Power Bars.
22. We’re more excited that we learned how to re-Tweet and reply on Twitter than we were at the compliment we got this morning from our boss.
23. Work now reminds us of the movie Wall-E: people moving around on hover chairs and communicating through computer screens in front of their face.
24. The only way we can start a conversation is by asking, “What Are You Doing?”
25. Life would be better if we could add five hours to our day. Not for time with our family or friends, but for spending more time on all the social media sites we’re addicted to.