A fractured guide to linguistic terminology

The author takes a derisive look at the modern devolution of language.

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In their spoken and written expressions, many people use, misuse, and abuse words in the most extraordinary ways.

To set things straight—and with a nod to Mrs. Malaprop (go on, Google it)—I offer the following glossary, with which all writers, editors, and other communicators should become familiar.

Linguistic: A type of pasta. I’ll have the linguistic with white clam sauce, please.

Grammar: Grampa’s wife.

Quotation: A minimum for a given period. I need five more to make my quotation for the month.

Verbiage: Foliage that’s still green.

Semicolon: What’s left after surgery on the lower gastrointestinal tract.

Comma: What you’re in if the above surgery doesn’t go so good.

Period: Past tense of look. He period through the window.

Nominative: A candidate for political office.

Genetive: The first book of the Bible.

Predicate: Expecting a baby. My cousin Gladys is six months predicate.

Adverb: Very bad. She shot a 3 under par despite adverb weather conditions.

Conjunction: Pink-eye.

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