A fractured guide to linguistic terminology

The author takes a derisive look at the modern devolution of language.

In their spoken and written expressions, many people use, misuse, and abuse words in the most extraordinary ways.

To set things straight—and with a nod to Mrs. Malaprop (go on, Google it)—I offer the following glossary, with which all writers, editors, and other communicators should become familiar.

Linguistic: A type of pasta. I’ll have the linguistic with white clam sauce, please.

Grammar: Grampa’s wife.

Quotation: A minimum for a given period. I need five more to make my quotation for the month.

Verbiage: Foliage that’s still green.

Semicolon: What’s left after surgery on the lower gastrointestinal tract.

Comma: What you’re in if the above surgery doesn’t go so good.

Period: Past tense of look. He period through the window.

Nominative: A candidate for political office.

Genetive: The first book of the Bible.

Predicate: Expecting a baby. My cousin Gladys is six months predicate.

Adverb: Very bad. She shot a 3 under par despite adverb weather conditions.

Conjunction: Pink-eye.

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