Signage confuses and appalls readers, but appeases execs

I don’t know about you but, whenever I pass a construction site, I always ask myself if they’re doing all they can not to kill me. Often, just to be sure, I cross the street. Well, imagine how happy I was to see this. Isn’t it reassuring to know that the nice people at Balfour Beatty will achieve zero deaths. I mean, as achievements go, it’s a biggie.

But really, what were they doing before the health and safety department decided that zero deaths was one of the company’s Core Attainment Strategy Objectives? Were they actively trying to kill people? As reassuring as this poster is, the diligent student of bad copy will still be left with some niggling doubts. Take “Zero ruined lives among our people,” for instance. (At least they avoided the egregious “amongst.”) Do their people include members of the public?

Sounds like Kill-joy Corporate Lawyer sent another urgent email: “Not sure we can say we won’t ruin any lives. Not, at least, until any members of the public take residence in these balsa-wood rabbit hutches”.